How to Fail Hiring Personnel: 9 Pranksterish Tips on Recruitment

Who said it’s time to listen to the candidates?! Total nonsense! The employer is the real boss on the labour market. An HR-specialist as the employer’s representative has the power to decide the fates of people. Don’t miss this opportunity in the dialogue with every candidate, if you don’t want to hire a team of professionals once and for all and be out of the job yourself.

Never receive candidates on time. If they come on time, pretend that you have no time to deal with them. Never apologize or tell exactly how long they will have to wait. If people really need the job, they will wait for the job interview with you. If you don’t want them to leave earlier, take their passports on the pretext of making a copy to check their identity before the interview.

At the interview, without any greetings, immediately ask the candidate: “Why do you think that you are the right person for this job in OUR company?”. Ask different variants of this question until the candidate feels completely embarrassed. They must deserve the right to be further considered for the vacancy by you. Got it, right?!

Never write down and discuss the job specifications for selection. You must have a run-in job offer for candidates different in experience and education. Why setting any limits for yourself?

Never answer any candidate’s direct questions about the salary, the probation period, the exact job description. Who knows what idea can strike their future employer’s head? Talk eloquently, so that you won’t be the one to blame in case of a conflict if the arrangement that you make in the first interview is not observed.

Try to publish the vacancy in the night time, the candidates must understand that only professionals who are ready to lay down their life for the company day and night are working in your company.

If the candidate managed to get you interested, make them pass the CBC, the brain puncture and take the IQ test by the next interview. In general, the more efforts the candidate makes to get to the last heats, the more they appreciate your job offer. If the candidate refuses, you will know for sure that it is not your kind of employee and such a level of loyalty to the future employer doesn’t suit you.

Never adjust to the candidate. Your form of the resume only, your time of the interview only, your requirements for the sex, height and weight only. No compromises. If they need a babysitter now, what will happen after hiring the candidate?

Never waste time on checking the recommendations. The candidate either has them or not. It is clear that the recommendations will be given by people whose contacts are provided by the candidate themselves. Whatever you ask, you will never know the truth and you have a lot of work to do apart from that.

Try to flirt with the candidate, you can even cover their hand with yours or touch their feet with yours under the table. The candidate’s non-verbal reaction will tell you more than a thousand words. Are they sociable? Do they get along with others easily? Or they are prim bugaboos who suit only to guard the archive or the store. There is nothing worse than making a mistake hiring the person. The only thing that can probably be worse is making a mistake in their unkindly firing. But this won’t happen soon... unless you follow pranksterish tips on managing the personnel.